Embrace Your Dark Side
"The great epochs of our lives come when we gain the courage to rebaptise our worst qualities as our best."
The 'war' had been going on for months and was characterised by insidious intimidation - windows being broken ,fences cut, cows mysteriously finding their way through fences into carefully prepared vegetable gardens, staff threatened until they would no longer risk working. An age old standoff that could have occurred in any colonised country.
Time brought with it an escalation of events. Threats were made and soon investors became nervous and wanted quick solutions - people were called. When things become difficult there are always people that can be called - ones who will provide solutions on a fee paid and no questions asked basis.
And so I sat opposite a man who resembled a rhino, short of stature but built like the proverbial. When we'd met my hand had been shaken in a vice like grip as beady eyes that had seen too much bored into me.
Conversation eschewed as the watchers, in their terms, 'held a perimeter'. The deal was simple - "Tell us your problem" he said "we will tell you how much, then you pay us and we fix it". And fix in this instance did most definitely not mean sitting down for a cup of afternoon tea at the negotiation table.
A simple nod, a shake of the hand or any other subtle and ever so brief form of agreement would have ended one person's life. Deniability lay in the details. Shock came at the recognition of how long that course of action was actually contemplated - even if it could only be measured in milliseconds.
Anger had driven me right out to the edge.
"Only when the land is darkest can you see the stars"
Martin Luther King Jnr
Fear draws its own test towards us. Deep within us lies the darkest aspect of our nature. The parts of us that have been wounded and hurt beyond our ability to consciously process. Hidden under layer upon layer of padding lie the bits of us that never see the light. But there upon lies the conundrum, for those parts of us that we would wish to hide, even from ourselves, still resonate in the quantum field. Like the pinging of a sonar radar they seek something to bounce off and so they draw towards them ever so slowly but ever so consistently, circumstances that will allow them to test the truth.
Is it true?
It is not until you have the courage to face your fears that you have the opportunity to release them. Often we don't like what we see but more often we don't even recognise what we see. Confronting circumstances drawn to us are met with indescribably shock - "Why is this happening to me?"
Projection onto others soon follows as a far more acceptable course of action than, heaven forbid, taking responsibility.
But if we embrace the notion that everything is perfect then deniability is not an option. Owning anger and fear is a start. Early life pain burrows deep into the psyche and manifests as a limiting story - I am not good enough, I am unworthy, I am unlovable.
Fear that this may be true radiates out into the universe and draws to us events that will allow us to test the truth of these testaments. Always we get the chance to grow.
"Where there is great light there is great darkness"
Circumstances allow us to ask "Is it true?"
But no-one can answer this for us in any meaningful, long lasting and healing way. No matter how many people tell you that you are loveable, there will be no healing of the wound until you decide the answer for yourself. No one can release you from your fear except you.
Embrace your dark side and hold it close to your heart for it is the most wounded part of yourself and the greatest place of growth and ascension. Denial and revulsion will not serve you. You need to own your fears and the anger that springs from them. Repressing the feelings that go with them will not resolve them. Toeing the line, fitting in, putting on the fake smile, saying all the 'right' things is just lying to yourself.
You have to walk in absolute truth otherwise you're only lying to yourself and limiting your ability to ascend. Self love cannot happen without self truth.
Is personal comfort more important than truth? Would you rather be liked by others than by yourself?
To honour yourself, embrace your dark side. Feel the anger that arises from fear. Allow it to show you your wounds. Give thanks for the opportunity to grow and then rebaptise your worst qualities as your best and shine your light in truth and love.
In peace and love always.
New book 'The Art of Remembering Who You Really Are' now available on Amazon